And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
he had hair everywhere except his balls
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
