Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
These 23 People Had Sex With Someone From Completely Different Cultures
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?