pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I need to calm my uterus...
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.