Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
well, you know. whores of a feather.