i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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