Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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