Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
