If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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