so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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