That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
