dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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