i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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