I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
