i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
