is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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