it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I just want nice things and good sex
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
