Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
