Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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