I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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