My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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