You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
