All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
