is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
When did angry sex become our thing?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
