I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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