ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
