He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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