My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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