i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
