he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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