I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
