dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
