SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
