How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
