man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
