oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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