She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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