It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
