U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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