One girl and one boy is just not enough.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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