pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
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