I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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