dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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