I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
