nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
