so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
