Just fell off a train. Bad.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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