I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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