I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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