dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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