do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
