sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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