at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
