There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
