Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
