Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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