This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
