maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
