He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
