Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
