I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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