I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
