yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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