I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
