I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
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I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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