I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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