1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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