every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I just forgot I was standing up.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
