I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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