I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
