You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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